Finding Myself's profileSleeping lazy's spacePhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
Sleeping lazy's space |
|||||||||||||
There are no categories in use.
|
March 07 Closing? Arg!!! How come sick again. Luckily there is only bio test that is around the corner. But still, i still need to work harder, there are still few topics that i still mcc about it. What to do? I am a dumb person, plus i not as hardworking as others. I think the only choice that i can seek improvement is to pay more attention and do more exercises. I know i cannot surpass some people that is better than me, but at least i want myself to know, i can really become a better person, i dont wan to lose anything more to others any longer. However, whenever i reach home, i will automatically open my com, then suddenly pop out lots of instant messages.. Haiz, in the end, i just manage to study some of the topics. But i think chatting with others worth more than study. Many of my friends has gone overseas, leaving me behind, so i know the time spend together chatting is rather short, or maybe not even have a chance in the future. So i think i just reply steadily and continue my work at the same time.
Almost most of the night i on, i will saw jian. I know he is kind of free, and nothing to do, and nervous about upcoming results. More importantly, he just lost something important to him. So i think maybe chatting with him will make him feel better. But he just always get interested about wt and me. ZZZ. HOw i going to reply that?, I focus my attention on studies and hw because i dont wan to think about it anymore, i wish everyone will eventually forget about it. At least give her a chance to find her own prince charming. However, i dont wan him to get any suspecious. So i think i just reply normally, and quickly switch my attention to studies. But the conversation just getting more intense, and it getting me more and more worried.. What can i do? I think i will prefer remain silence, silence is a giant killer, haha.
But one day, the message suddenly get into her, and she asked me question that i really do not wish to answer. What i going to answer? I really do not wish to lie to her, and i do not wish to kept any secret from her. How come?? I used to be a secret keeper for everyone else, but why i just cant keep it for my own? Eventually, that conversation end, and that night has become the longest night in my life.
I try to get into bed early, but words keep spinnning in my head. "Please do not blame urself, u r making me feeling the same way". Everytime, i try my best, find a way to make sure a more happy way for her, but things just turn out different from wat i expected of. Blaming myself huh? Actually i just blaming myself because u did not get a good ending inT the end. The real reason behind it is, i never see u smile when i with u, and this concluded that i m only a burden. Just like when playing mafia, in order to let others to survive, a mafia must be killed by its own people, this is wat i learn when i playing with bunch of so called "pro" (actually is my juniors). I am discouraged when i know she is a mafia to, so i think the best is show my own weakness, let others kill me 1st. Then they has a higher chance of survivor. In the end, maybe i take it too seriously, but thing just turn out wat i expected. And it teaches me, dont become a burden to someone else.
" Plz dont worry about me, i m already near 18 years old." That time, it only gives me two types of intrepretion. One is " plz leave me alone", another one is " I am a very tough person, so u dont need to worry about me". That time i realize, i am a mr nobody for her, so wats the point worry about her? Actually i know, from honey and clover 2, worrying is just a reason behind a fact, it is actually my own desire, to catch a glimpse of her. And when they said that, i know the next time we meet, will be the last one.
" You can find a better girl that me, i really hope so" This is the final phase i remembered, and the one that i really cannot forget. When she said that, i really wanna say" you are no.1 in my list, how could i find a better one?", " If i given the chance, will you become my no.1?". However, i stopped myself, i know i cannot become a burden any futher more. Just let these words fade aways with time, or maybe with my homework that formed a mount everest on my table.
After i put my testing blog, i know that really got ppl who reading my blog, i really dont wan others to read my frustration side, so i think this one will be the last one i posted. It had already ends anywhere, i dont have reason to look behind, but i still got reason to look forward. I think starting my studies early is a great choice after all, especially inti that starts extremely early( 2nd jan), all my emotion can be locked from here, and all the daydreaming and nonsense that i imagine of. 12 of march is the last day. The only regrettion is, i will not have a chance, to say happy birthday.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY for march borned aries February 15 Valentine??Wuhahahaha. So good this year. No valentine for me, instead i have SAD (Single Awareness Day). O well, at least this is the postivite thinking. Actually most of my friends personally think of being single is the Abest. For me? They say i am a traitor.... They even believe that i already got a girl friend. O please, my college dont have any pretty girls, neither as taylors. When i first look into them, the first thing that come into my mind, omg, the person who actually become thier boy friend will become bankrupt in any second from now. In the end, some of my friend who actually send me message that they had successfully get a gf, and kept telling me how good how pretty thier gf was. Although in the end i did not care about how good thier gf was, but at least i have given a chance to express themselves, and given the chance to them to express themselves again when they get dumped by thier gf(hope that will not happen) in the future.
Actually what is valentines? The first day i know of valentine, the first thought that come into my mind is a day where businessman makes a handsome amount of money. Wat The Heck!!! A roses that could be found anywhere beside a street can be sold RM10!!!! A chocalate which normally i can get for free sold Rm15!!! This is insane. However, there are still people who actually bought it to thier gf. They even spend RM18 just for a piece of cookies which its diameter less than 4cm!!!!
O well, i think is not the $$ thats matter, it is the smile of thier love one that matters. At the moment, i realize that men r stupid. If u wan ur gf to be protected from obesity, buy a low fat milk instead of buying chocalate: If they wan thier girl to be happy, why dont just spend more time with her rather than a cookies delivery to their love one.
Valentine actually is a day when women show thier admire by giving chocalate to the person they admire, it is actually a day that show the signs of courage within women. HOwever, it is becoming a day where couple be together. O well, i also broke the rule as well. i bought a teddy bear which is so cute that no one will resist of not buying it. BUt sorry mr teddy bear, u will be inside the cupboard for a very long time. because the owner who u should be given to, is le.aving, soon enough January 27 Aspiring?I though only SAM is the most pressure foundation studies, but i didnt expect A level to have so many homeworks!! Besides homework, i still need to write my own note for every subject and highlight all the text book. Even so,i still havent had a chance the read my textbook.. Everyday i back home, i need to plan my schedule, felt like no time for me to relax a while,. Haiz, i think the super special awesome lazy me is becoming super ultra gigantic tired person. I came back at home around 6pm, then i felt like going to sleep for a while. So i just crumble on my bed, use my hand to cover my eye, and prepare to zzz. But in the end i did not slept. My attention switch to the picture just beside my desk. Picture of my old schoolmates..... and this told me. I got promise to fulfill. I cannnot rest now, i need to pull myself together, and continue to work.... until the time to rest is come then i can stop.
So, in the end i just stuck on my desk and keep seaching for answer for my questions. To prevent me from getting asleep, i drink plenty of water(hate coffee anywhere), and continue to work. But, got once, i reached my limitation, my hand is shaking, both of my eyes are red. I really wan to give up, give up everything, why bother to be so suffering, why dont just enjoy the life. Just when i wanted to leave my desk, a song played in my laptop.. My first thought, this is the song that was gave by an important person. After 4 mins, the song ends, i played the song again and again, until at one point, i stopped it.... and my idea of rest, sleep, give up all dissapear.
What makes a song powerful? For me, it is the content of the song, and the person who send the song, thats matter. The song has all the answer i wan, and all the reasons for what i am doing now. In the past, because i m not strong enough, because i m not wise enough, i did a lot of mistake that are extremely costly. However, because of that, i learn a lot of things, i learn from my mistake, i discover my own dream, and i know wat i need to do to be stronger. I earn a lot of things, but i still cannot fixed the mistake that i done. So, in the end i m a loser, losers have no right to stay on the court, thier only option is to leave and being forgotten.
I do not wish to think things any futher. So the best way is, use something to distract myself from thinking nonsense, study is a great tool, and a song is well enough to aspire me, push me futher. Getting hold of the song from someone, is the only thing i think i did right in the end January 09 Why she never smile?I believe life is like an equation: If you experience the deepest sadness, u will realize how important happiness means to u; If u lost everything, u will precious even the most thinniest thing in ur life. I have once been a pestimistic person, living in a isolated darkness, keep asking myself why all people are crying, must all the people are so bad tempert. So, i realize how important happiness means to me. I wan all the people surrouding me gain happiness, especially the person that i care most and love most. Even it requires sacrifices, i really dont care any longer, cause i dont want to see the depressed scenery any longer. However i realize a thing, people express their happniness by smiling. Therefore, i start putting smile in my face, even it is a fake smile in the beggining, so that everyone around me can be influnced and become happy. After that, i know smiling is just not enough, so i try to learn some jokes and try to be funny. As time pass by, i really enjoy people smiling and being happy.And thats become my dream, and lead to my ambition. But i know my dream will not last long. After i come out to the society again, i must become myself again, cruel enough to survive in the society.i I like to see ppl smile. But i more desperate to see the person i care smile rather than everyone else. However, whereaver i exist, she just cannnot smile. Although she is a optismistic person and smile a lot in school. But i just cannnot make her smile. Why??? i kept asking myself this question for a long time. So i did an experiment just now, with a girls of course, and finnaly realize it. The thing is, the topic i saying is just not funny, and i m not too serious about it. But why, why i just cannot talk normally just like chatting with other people. Normallly when i chat with them, they just kept laughing and scolding me. But why i was totally out of shape? I know because she knows somethings that she shoudnt know in the beginning that make her depressed because of my existence. So maybe when i wan to be friend with her, normal chatting will also makes her think of something that reject me, and i know, in the future i will lost her as a friend. But why i still cannot chat properly? Just because i know something she shouldnt know, and this makes me need to chat with precaution. Haiz, i think i dont need to care any longer. My existence has become a burden. I think it is better to just let go along with it. At least if i do it this way, maybe she is smiling now. haha..
December 31 Evaluation of my friend(guys)Here is the evaluation of my firends, dont know true or not but worth of try anywhere...
ATTENTION!!!! DONT PUNCH, KICK, MOCK, TOSS ME IF I OFFENSE ANY ONE OF U OK!!! Deal!!!!!!!
Chi Ping- When i first met him, i couldnt say much. Wat a guy he was. He do anything he want, dont afraid to love or hate, dont care wat other ppl think of him. When he doing things that he really enjoy much, he is a very commanding person, do not wish anyone to interupt or disturb him, and concentrade 100% on the task. However, because of his special personality, he can easily get ememies, afraid by others, imagine him as an wild beast. Frankly speaking, sometimes i really dislike him, but most of the time i really admire him, because he had the will and freedom to do anything he want, which i dont have inside me.
Jie Han- The first meeting with him give me an impression of my ownself. A guy who trying to be tough to hide his soft-hearted personality. He is a nice guy, a person who really appreciate friendships, and cao ps2 a lot. Altough he is a bit of viloence, as a result of playing to many god of war, but wat he really seek of is someone who really care about him, give him a bit of an advice when he is down or confuse, or just listening to all his complaint at sometimes. He can be a great friend, husband or father in the future, he wiling to do everything, to protect his love one, shielding the person he care from danger or sadness.
Ken Yaw- This is the most normal guy in the world. He like to do thing without restriction., and a funnier guy than me, i laugh from almost all the joke he made. He actually can be a very successful person, but he lacking of passion in his work. This is because he does not have a ambition himselves. O and when he has nothing to do, he sleep all the time, especially during holidays, lazier than me =.=. If he know how use his time when he is yelling because of boredom, maybe he now become better than me.
Yik men- Wa this person, i dont know he really that happy or just faking. He never show a sad face in front of us. Even when he is under intense pressure, he still do things with joy and never complain to us. So wat to do? I really dont belive, so we play him everytime, he get angry sometimes, but it is really funny. But why i keep having a feeling that he trying to hide something from us, and hide it so perfectly, but without a doubt, i know he is really a great person, he never wan people surrounding him get sad.
Alfie- By the look of his face, i concluded that, he is a very honest,humble and of course! A nerd. But if u know him more deeply, u will realize, wat a animal he is!!! But we dont get surprise , this is wat a guy in secondary should behave( only me is an alien). Together with nick, they r the mid valley boys(just nickname). But without a doubt, he is really a kind and responsible person. And has a fanclub among girl students and teachers.
Wai Yip- Although he is short, very very short, but he call himself lebron james. He always say how good he play basketball, but i know his standard is almost the same with me, or maybe worse than me. I always talk how bad his basketball is to improve his game, but in the end.....bang!!! Worse than before. He is the most stupid person among my friend. He likes a girl since he is form 2 and until now he still like her, but always run away from the person he likes. Hope he can become braver in the future.=.=
Typing while yawning.=.= 12am!! Happy NEw Year!!!!
|
||||||||||||
Send a private message
Subscribe to RSS feed
Tell a friend
Add to My MSN
Add to your network
Sign up for alerts
|
|
