I believe life is like an equation: If you experience the deepest sadness, u will realize how important happiness means to u; If u lost everything, u will precious even the most thinniest thing in ur life. I have once been a pestimistic person, living in a isolated darkness, keep asking myself why all people are crying, must all the people are so bad tempert. So, i realize how important happiness means to me. I wan all the people surrouding me gain happiness, especially the person that i care most and love most. Even it requires sacrifices, i really dont care any longer, cause i dont want to see the depressed scenery any longer. However i realize a thing, people express their happniness by smiling. Therefore, i start putting smile in my face, even it is a fake smile in the beggining, so that everyone around me can be influnced and become happy. After that, i know smiling is just not enough, so i try to learn some jokes and try to be funny. As time pass by, i really enjoy people smiling and being happy.And thats become my dream, and lead to my ambition. But i know my dream will not last long. After i come out to the society again, i must become myself again, cruel enough to survive in the society.i

I like to see ppl smile. But i more desperate to see the person i care smile rather than everyone else. However, whereaver i exist, she just cannnot smile. Although she is a optismistic person and smile a lot in school. But i just cannnot make her smile. Why??? i kept asking myself this question for a long time. So i did an experiment just now, with a girls of course, and finnaly realize it. The thing is, the topic i saying is just not funny, and i m not too serious about it. But why, why i just cannot talk normally just like chatting with other people. Normallly when i chat with them, they just kept laughing and scolding me. But why i was totally out of shape? I know because she knows somethings that she shoudnt know in the beginning that make her depressed because of my existence. So maybe when i wan to be friend with her, normal chatting will also makes her think of something that reject me, and i know, in the future i will lost her as a friend.

But why i still cannot chat properly? Just because i know something she shouldnt know, and this makes me need to chat with precaution. Haiz, i think i dont need to care any longer. My existence has become a burden. I think it is better to just let go along with it. At least if i do it this way, maybe she is smiling now. haha..