When i was in primary school, i am a well known person. Arg there is nothing special about me, it is just same as others students, lazyyy. Hence, i refused to hand in any homework that teacher "command" us to, because the homeworks just too much. After half  a year, because i was too lazy, i was told to meet the principle. At the first sight, i thought the princilple will be a very fierce person, but it turn out just different. The principle is such a nice woman that makes no change to my attitude.But, one day, i saw my mother crying, after knowing from my teacher that i am a student that cannot be rescued anymore. I am very depressed. Hence, i started to hand in homeworks and..... i become afraid of crying women...espeacially girls.

 

After a year, i meet a girl, a very nice and beautiul girl, who is very quiet but friendly. Because of some reasons, i started to make friend with her. She is very kind, she teach me how to make friends, teach me homeworks, and even play some games with me. However, she is a student in our top class in our school. So, i decided to study hard so that i can reached her level. Eventually help her in her study in the future. However, after i reached that level, she already gone to other grade....and gone to other school.

 

So, i become myself again. Whole day doing nothing, daydreaming, playing computer....because i lost the reason to look in front. However, a teacher of mine knew that i still can do better in the future. She keep advicing me and push me so that i can reached even higher. Actually it is kind fo troublesome, and i dont care about it. BUt somehow, the teacher said something that she shouldnt said, make me frustrated but completely changed myself. So, i began to work hard again.

 

But after a few years in secondary school, i become a bit of lazy again.... So i came out with an idea. I simply find a student in the class, and swear that i will definetely do better than him/her. But the idea turn out dusk, because i dont know their level. So, i just simple choose a person with an intelligent look and little silly look of course. Ei, i finnaly found one. So i began my hardwork again...

 

The condlusion of the story:

1. It must be a woman a girl to push me futher swt >.<

2. A person can make the difference if he got something that he do not wish to sacrifrice

3. One can work hard if he got crushed by someone else.

 

So for guys if you wish to give happiness to your love one, work hard and succeed.

I like my phone. Not because it is the type of phone i wanted ( i would rather choose k850 actually). It is because my phone has the ability to access into internet. Ok, this sounds normal to all the phone, but it is somehow rather special for me. When i use my phone to access internets, i usually log into 2 websites. The websites are.....opps sorry, it is a secret( a secret makes a man man). But i can guratee, it is not porn or anything else, because it does not suit my style anywhere. Somemore, i am still underage, so this kind of things is kind of...censored!!! haha. Day by day, by keeping a eye on my prepaid balance, i keep log into internet using my phone......and giving me a kind of feeling that....i am a stalker. Everytime when i holding my phone, i asked myself, what am i actually searching for?? Almost everytime, from i holding my phone until i release it, i still cannot find an answer for myself. Even now, i still doing so.

 

Besides, now i got a habit of bringing my mobile phone along wherever i go. When i am free or something like this, i start pressing the buttons on my phone. I go to the number list, photos, videos, games......doing nothing!!...but it give me satisfaction after looking at it. Ok, i admit maybe i thinking about someone, someone that is very hard to be forgotten, someone that gave me much inspire in my life..althought the person does nothing in my life.....

 

Thus, there goes the habit of mine, keep holding my phone doing nothing. Moreover, i keep staring of some of the number i wish to sent..but dont have the courage to do so... Actually, deep inside my heart, i got many questions that i wanted to ask the owner of that number...but....but i think i better dont bother the person so much. Moreover, i do not wish to give any pressure or bad memories in the person. However, because of the strong wiling of mine, which is i hate most about me, i manage to sent something unrelated question to the person.Fortunately, the person replied all the time......At least, when i look into the messages, i got a sight of relieve, and inspire me, to do better, to do even greater, so that....i can..... 

Since i first learn algebraic and equations, i started realize that a person life was just like playing an equation. Somemore, when i am doing equations, it gives me a feeling that i have become a god, manipulating a person life in an equation. But that just nonsense, how a person life can be determined by an equation? Let give you an example, if one study hard during his early days, he will get a good job in the future. Meaning? If one be had a hard time studying in the past, he/she will enjoy his/her life in the future by realizing their dreams, ambition. In Feng Shui, a person luck normally rises during the mid-aged and young ages. However, this will lead to misfortune in the future. Ok, final example. If a person love a person so much, it will end up hatred in the future. Hey, suddenly i felt like i watching Full Metal Alchemist, with the prinsip of Equalvalent Trade..

 

But sometimes, equation may be lost count. It is based on a person effort and aggresiveness towards something that the person are so eager about. This is what i believe, fortune can be change by one's effort. Even the most stupid person will win the borned-genius. However, i very lazy to do so, because i dont have any target to achive. To be honest, my dream and ambition is to become a great husband and father. Well respected and love by my family members and just simply have a happy family. Guess to do so, i at least need to have a qualification to get a job. Haha^^

  

Since when i fall in love with a student in my school?? The feeling just came into my mind and keep affecting me all the time. How troublesome i just cannot stop thinking about her. O well, i guess i just have to get use to it. Naturally, she is just a normal student in my class. Doing what a student should do: reading, helping others, be hardworking and so on. I never thought of taking any advantage or "bad movement" on her. However, after some times, i suddenly felt that she is beautiful, loving, caring, kind and and so much more. Hey, i just cannot be like that. I just a student that wish to have a simple and happy life. AND my grandmother told me that NO love during secondary school. But, the heart of mine is quite annoying, even i play basketball also want to see her. Omg, i think i in bad trouble this time.

 

Dont know why, i suddenly become hardworking during my form 3 and firm term of form 5. Maybe influnce by her? I dont know. Just that i got some sort of feeling that i wanna beat her in the exam. So that i feel, i am fit for her. After days......There goes the exam and the results was given to us at the end of 3rd month. What i except? Competitive? Na, it end up dissapointed. I think she did not do her best in the exam as well. O well, i just have to be more hardworking and beat her at the next exam. I promise myself.

 

However, things change when i accepting the truth behind it. I realize that i not a huge figure that someone who would like to accept it. Somehow, i also know the truth of she is very sad at certain time of period. I felt powerless. I could not help the person i love. Instead, i just ran away from it. Guess i did it because of my pass experience....unable to bring happiness to others, then why i get into people's life in the first place?? So, i make a decision, the person i love is the only person i cannot have. At least, like this can seal myself taking away other's happiness in thier life.

 

Then, i started distance myself from everything....including her, so that she can find her own smile in life. Even in the mid-term exam, when i doing a papers, i had a feeling that i dont want to score more than her anymore. As an example, even i know that some subject required long answers, i still write it shortly so that i will not score much. After the exams, i dont want to know how much actually i had scored. Instead, i just want to see the happy face of her of doing well in the exam.

 

Then, there goes the distance of mine.....

What am i actually waiting for?? Standing in front of the computer, listening to songs, doing nothing, just staring at the msn messenger. Hope i not stalking....Haiz, if my soul and mind did not follow what i said, then i just continue what i was doing..Staring.....Glaring....Sleeping.....zzzzzz

 

 When i woke up, i shouted omg!!! There goes my fun time. Time to invite my book to sleep together. Haizzz, but my heart won't just give up. I keep myself in a radius of the computer. Waiting what i waiting for.....and this continue.... until 9pm. Man.. talk about patience, guess i have to go sleep now. Wake up again at 2am....zzzzz.Only at that time, i can concentrade...with my television of course:p

 

Actually, i know what i waiting for, i just...lie to myself. Not again,i fed up with all this nonsense. everytime i lie to myself, i need to find a reson so that my lie is 100% acceptable. If this keeps up, i will end up...wait i will i end up...whatever..haha.....

 

" A person is lost when he/she lost his/her own ambition and purpose of life."(translated from chinese). This is the most interesting part that i have adapted from one of my all time favourite fact-novel. In fact, it quite suits me ^^.

 

Just like the anime i watch -Honey and Clover. The character( don't know is main character or what) in fact went for a soul journey to find himself, and answers to his questions. The journey was clearly descripted in the anime. As a result, it make me excited!!! I wish to go for a journey of soul myself. However, living in a country means you cannot cycle in the road. Cause if you actually do that, you will be sent to the police station and become so call "crazy"....

 

Everyone got it's own ways to express his/her discomfortable and bad fortune in his/her life. Confused? Let me give you an example. There was once a stupid guy who copied Morita Shinobu(Honey and Clover) action of laying down on the grass and waching towards the sky. Hey, wait a minute, thats me. LOL. However, now i have change my style, because lying down like this for forever, makes me gain 2kg per day!!! O well, i might just go for a walk around the garden aimlessly. Not only garden, when i stay at school doing nothing, i prefer walk alone around the school, even outside the school. Because i believe, by doing so, my heart will not ache so painly......and found my answers one day...

 

However, i had been doing so for 5 month but still have not found my answers. This make me thinks that actually what was told in anime Shaman King(comic version) is becoming a fact-" The world is so big that it is hard to find the answers that you searching for. So, why don't just follow what you heart wish in the rest of your life?"(translated from chinese, even i was confused).

 

Despair, unrespond love, unfounded answer. That just a part of mine(as well as yours^^) amazing youth life.

 

 

 

" If you keep quiet until the class end, the dust will cover you up."

 

This was the first joke i had  heard about. I admit. It is kind of cold, really, but this is not important for me now. Now what i really concern was the person talking to me actually was a girl. This is the first time ever a girl talk to me, not mention about my mom of course. By judging on her appearance, she was kind of cute, but it took me 5 minutes to respond her, " hello?"

 

"Hmm. I think you got some problem with your communication skill... Why dont you join us to a communication workshop?" She said while handing over a form to me. I am confused.. While shaking my head dizzly, i read the content of the the form.....and i told myself...no wonder. Her father organize this workshop, she try to recruit someone to support her father's business. However i did not reject her, instead i gave her and adjellent smile and promise her i will surely attend it, to repay, the first person that talk to me....

 

I am a quiet guy in my class. Just like every class in primary school. There will always be a pupil that will not be known by others. "Admired" by my lazy and dirty appearance, no one actually wanted to be friend with me, or even talk to me. Hence, i am categorized as the "rejected" pupil in the community. Then, come the girl, that was the first friend that wiling to be friend with me. At that time, i am shocked and somehow a happy feeling that had never been before.

 

After that time, she started to get close to me. She introduced most of her friends to me... and taught me how to make friends. As a result, my friends community was growing larger and larger. I remembered, she told me, she wish to had a boyfriend as shiny as the sun. Makes me wanted to tell her, she was as shiny as sun now, bringing hopes to others.

 

However, good days will never last long. The day came when she told me that she going to overseas with her father. Deep inside my heart, i wish to keep her, but i did not do it, because i know, she got her own freedom. Cannot said that i do not like her, instead the reality was i don't have the guts to like her. She is an angel to me, Shinning upon on the sky, helping people when they needed most. I am a little worm, that somehow makes it's ways out of the ground because directed by the light. However, after strechting it's way out of the ground, it still cannot touch or get near to the angel. Because...because...there always a distance, that saperate both, that cannot be cut short just by working hard....

 

The last day i meet her, i gave her a silver neklace, that was orinally made to be twins. I told her, to forget my name, but just remmeber a boy that you help before...that will always..always.. remember you..till....till......