AAHHHH, after 8 days i have to be apart with my friends and my junior. This is SOOO unfair!!! I really wish that i have more time to spare with my friend, chatting from heart to heart, and be crazy and screaming to each other. This is where the fun part begin. Actualy, most of my friend had a hard time in school, and i knew that some of them are like me, talking and screaming to release emotion, so that others thinks that we are actually a very optimistic person. In every year i will hear my friend talking and complaining about someone, espeacially about girls. But actually they are caring about the person they complaining, this is when we all become best friends, because we share the common spot.... To be honest, i have not have such girly problem since i 1st reach the school, affection is somehow, a desire which eventually haunt us in the future. But how come, suddenly i felt into the same spot with my friend. Haiz, i think this the fun part of secondary life haha. IN form 5, got 3 friend ask me about relation problem on the same time, haha i think i one of time, so i counted 4. Everything they will tell me exciting story, but rather sad in the end. It is really fun though, and i really enjoy hearing it. BUt listening to them like talking to myself, i was able to boost thier confidence and help them go though thier secondary life, but why i cannot comfort myself? Why i keep asking myself the same question over and over again? Why i listening to the same song, watching the same anime over and over again? I think is the sacrifice that i had to made, to help me friend.

 

2007 almost over, it is really a quick year. Quicker that any other years that i went through. Everything i went the school, with much hope and desire, hoping i can do something that i will regret in my life. But, now there are only 8 days to do, and i have done an unforgiven deed in the past few days. I really hope i can turn things around, but i really scare that i will mess it up in the end. What i going to do? if i did not do it, i will regret for live, but if i do it maybe it will just get worse and harm the person that i really really really do not wish to hurt. I went to school everyday, with a glimpse of hope. But now, i think i just covered up the one and only light, that protect the weak and lonely spirit.

 

My friend told me that i am too honest. But they are wrong, i actually not as naif as i look. I actually telling lies more than 50 times a day. What is the point telling lies? To protect urself? to protect your face? to proctect your friends? or just having fun telling lies? There is no need a reason for that, after a person lies, he/she forget it immediately. I mean it! IMMEDIATELY!! Even the king of memory cannot tell which lies he just said. Now here is the point, what makes a king of telling lies? IT is a person who can cover up his/her lies without others noticing? Or just simple turned your brain upside down, and make up a fairy talel to escape from judgement? Everyone has his/her opinion. However, in my opinion, i believe that person who escape by telling lies will soon fallen to his own trap. Therefore, it is not consider a king of lies. A king of telling lies should world-class, even him or herself cannot tell what he/her said is true or false, and even the person who listen to him/her cannot differentiate whats correct whats wrong, then it is really, a world-class lyer.

 

I admit that i tell lies more than 50 times a week, or more thatn 100 times, but actually the target is not my family nor my friend. IT is rather foolish to say that, it is me myself. I keep giving myself reasons, lying to myself when i done something wrong, or lost something that i very precious to me. To cover it entirely, i must use a rather stronger force, that is, when i started to telling lie to myself. After that, i gained satisfaction from it, because at that time, i know that i havent lose it all, at least for that moment. However, to uncover the truth, i will take about a month or 2. At that time, i will suddenly realize that the world is cruel, facts are too cruel to face it, and it is hard to forget, because it has buried deep inside my heart for a long time.....and so the suffering continues.

 

Man, this is really a lame teknik to handle problems in live, but how come i cannot find a better solution to overcome it? Or because it is too GOOD for me, i just cannot change the teknik?