Finding Myself's profileSleeping lazy's spacePhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
January 27 Aspiring?I though only SAM is the most pressure foundation studies, but i didnt expect A level to have so many homeworks!! Besides homework, i still need to write my own note for every subject and highlight all the text book. Even so,i still havent had a chance the read my textbook.. Everyday i back home, i need to plan my schedule, felt like no time for me to relax a while,. Haiz, i think the super special awesome lazy me is becoming super ultra gigantic tired person. I came back at home around 6pm, then i felt like going to sleep for a while. So i just crumble on my bed, use my hand to cover my eye, and prepare to zzz. But in the end i did not slept. My attention switch to the picture just beside my desk. Picture of my old schoolmates..... and this told me. I got promise to fulfill. I cannnot rest now, i need to pull myself together, and continue to work.... until the time to rest is come then i can stop.
So, in the end i just stuck on my desk and keep seaching for answer for my questions. To prevent me from getting asleep, i drink plenty of water(hate coffee anywhere), and continue to work. But, got once, i reached my limitation, my hand is shaking, both of my eyes are red. I really wan to give up, give up everything, why bother to be so suffering, why dont just enjoy the life. Just when i wanted to leave my desk, a song played in my laptop.. My first thought, this is the song that was gave by an important person. After 4 mins, the song ends, i played the song again and again, until at one point, i stopped it.... and my idea of rest, sleep, give up all dissapear.
What makes a song powerful? For me, it is the content of the song, and the person who send the song, thats matter. The song has all the answer i wan, and all the reasons for what i am doing now. In the past, because i m not strong enough, because i m not wise enough, i did a lot of mistake that are extremely costly. However, because of that, i learn a lot of things, i learn from my mistake, i discover my own dream, and i know wat i need to do to be stronger. I earn a lot of things, but i still cannot fixed the mistake that i done. So, in the end i m a loser, losers have no right to stay on the court, thier only option is to leave and being forgotten.
I do not wish to think things any futher. So the best way is, use something to distract myself from thinking nonsense, study is a great tool, and a song is well enough to aspire me, push me futher. Getting hold of the song from someone, is the only thing i think i did right in the end January 09 Why she never smile?I believe life is like an equation: If you experience the deepest sadness, u will realize how important happiness means to u; If u lost everything, u will precious even the most thinniest thing in ur life. I have once been a pestimistic person, living in a isolated darkness, keep asking myself why all people are crying, must all the people are so bad tempert. So, i realize how important happiness means to me. I wan all the people surrouding me gain happiness, especially the person that i care most and love most. Even it requires sacrifices, i really dont care any longer, cause i dont want to see the depressed scenery any longer. However i realize a thing, people express their happniness by smiling. Therefore, i start putting smile in my face, even it is a fake smile in the beggining, so that everyone around me can be influnced and become happy. After that, i know smiling is just not enough, so i try to learn some jokes and try to be funny. As time pass by, i really enjoy people smiling and being happy.And thats become my dream, and lead to my ambition. But i know my dream will not last long. After i come out to the society again, i must become myself again, cruel enough to survive in the society.i I like to see ppl smile. But i more desperate to see the person i care smile rather than everyone else. However, whereaver i exist, she just cannnot smile. Although she is a optismistic person and smile a lot in school. But i just cannnot make her smile. Why??? i kept asking myself this question for a long time. So i did an experiment just now, with a girls of course, and finnaly realize it. The thing is, the topic i saying is just not funny, and i m not too serious about it. But why, why i just cannot talk normally just like chatting with other people. Normallly when i chat with them, they just kept laughing and scolding me. But why i was totally out of shape? I know because she knows somethings that she shoudnt know in the beginning that make her depressed because of my existence. So maybe when i wan to be friend with her, normal chatting will also makes her think of something that reject me, and i know, in the future i will lost her as a friend. But why i still cannot chat properly? Just because i know something she shouldnt know, and this makes me need to chat with precaution. Haiz, i think i dont need to care any longer. My existence has become a burden. I think it is better to just let go along with it. At least if i do it this way, maybe she is smiling now. haha..
|
|
|
